I was sitting in the car traveling with my family somewhere. My heart didn't feel content. While I know we aren't to base our Salvation upon our feelings, I knew God and I didn't have the best relationship at that time. It was my fault. I'd let sin linger where it shouldn't have. As 2 Timothy chapter two says, I hadn't fled from youthful lusts. I was guilty and ashamed.
Earbuds in my ear, I was endlessly scrolling though my phone, not knowing what to listen to. Enter Wade Spencer's cover of "Redeemed" (original song linked above). The music may have been beautiful, but the words drummed in the core of my heart and seemed even more beautiful. It seemed to speak to my soul. I listened to that song on repeat the rest of the trip, and it was a long trip.
I couldn't understand why God would choose to love me. I'd messed up so many times. As the song says, I was bound up in shackles of all my failures. I literally didn't know how much longer it could last.
Just then, God pointed His fingers and said He'd already fought the battle. Matthew 11:28 rang in my ears:
"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest."
Not long after that, I remember my heart so heavy with conviction. I'd carried the struggles too long. Held the burden on my back and had a terrible ache. There was only one Person to turn to, but before I did so, I brought my dear mom into my room. I knew she wouldn't look at me and judge; she would hear me out and help me out.
Tears cascaded down my face as I cried into her shoulder. How had I gotten myself into this mess? I'd listened to the lies of Satan. I'd fallen into the deceiver's trap. There's only pleasure in sin for a season. It doesn't last. Sin leaves you feeling dirty, ashamed, calloused over, and miserable. Most of all, sin leads you to hell.
I poured my heart out to God that night. A burden I'd carried for years had immediately been lifted from my shoulder. Beginning again wasn't near as hard as rolling around in this world. God cared so much for me. Therefore, He made a way of escape. He planted my feet on higher ground after hearing my humble plea. Placed me on a solid foundation and cleaned me of my filthiness.
While I still struggle, I know God's hand is greater. I'm not perfect. By God's grace and helping hand, I truly am trying to pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace with a pure heart. That's what matters. Here on earth, we will always have Satan trying to attack because he knows his time is short. He knows he's going to lose. That is why sin looks so enticing. That is why it looks fun in the moment.
I'm here to tell you, friend, that it's not worth it. God sets us apart because we are special. He sets higher standards because He knows what sin will do to us; He doesn't want us to fall into that trap. That's why He gave us His Son, Jesus. He gave us an option. Just read 1 Peter 2:9:
"But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvellous light"
Coming from someone who played around with sin for far too long, run. Run so far away from Satan and his temptations. It's not cowardly, it's wise. In fact, it's courageous because you're stepping out in faith, knowing God will catch you. Run so hard that you fall into the arms of God. He will protect you. He won't destroy you like Satan is trying to.
Trust me, beginning again with the Lord is so much better than wallowing in endless shame and regret. God saved us and called us with a holy calling, not according to our works, but according to His own purpose and grace (see 2 Timothy 1:9). God is so incredibly good. Find rest, not shame, in a fresh, clean slate with Jesus. Let Him wash you in His blood. Only He can wash you in red blood and make you as white as snow.
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Note From Founder
Hi there! I'm Katlyn Grace and welcome to the advice section. Here we get real. These blogposts are written from my heart to yours, and I pray they encourage your heart and bring joy to your soul!